Youthful genius, Kody Boye, was recently rescued from a spooky mansion in Vermont owned by well-known dark fantasy author, Janrae Frank. Kody spoke to police on the scene, saying, “She’s batshit crazy, I tell you! Batshit! The place is full of bats and some of them are vampires! I swear it!”

Literary recluse, Phil Smith, recently increased the defenses on his not so secret castle in the Scottish Highlands, and received a shipment of bat quano from batshit crazy author, Janrae Frank. When questioned about this, Mr. Smith told reporters, “It’s just the nitrates I’m interested in, really.”
When asked what he intended to do with the nitrates, he replied, “Now that would be telling, wouldn’t it?”

Renegade wannabe Mike Philbin was recently arrested for breaking into the London Zoo and having sex with a chimpanzee. His reply to reporters was, “I thought it was a dinosaur.”

Jesus Visits Morris, IL. The Son of God was recently seen in Morris, Illinois, where he assaulted wannabe rebel writer, Nickolaus Pacione, with a copy of Tabloid Purposes, yelling, “Get thee hence, Satan.”

Savage Steve Revealed to Be a Shih Tzu. Photographed by investigative journalist, Tomo Joe, it has now been revealed that Savage Steve is actually a mutant dog with a computer fetish.

Secret Zippers found on Jerrod Balzer’s Sasquatch Suit. When questioned by Michele Lee, the noted author replied, “When you gotta pee, you just gotta pee.”

Lawyer Scalds Brooklyn Client. Wannabe author, Lawrence Dagstine, has filed suit in New York courts against his lawyer, Epub Bogus McCoy, for dumping boiling hot soup on his head. Mr. McCoy replied to questioning, “He deserved it.”

Bob Freeman Caught by Poltergeist. Would be rescuers are still stumped as to how to get Cairnwood author off the ceiling where he is reported to be imprisoned by an irate poltergeist.

Rich Ristow
Lost at Sea. Noted author and poetry expert is reported to be lost at sea after being kidnapped by horny mermaids.

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