A lot of people think that the reason I don’t own a television was because I wanted to do something right.

The reason I don’t own a tv is that I don’t like them on the basis of a pattern in my life toward the end of my marriage. Natalie has worked hard to get me over my tv and movie allergy.

After Sovay became a hostage in the marriage, Jean would sometimes “reward” me for bending to her wishes by allowing me to watch a movie with her. For years afterward, I could not watch a movie or tv without my skin crawling. My stomach would knot up if I tried to watch either tv or a movie. I made her angry toward the end of our marriage by refusing to watch it.

There were too many bad associations with it for me.

The first few years that I knew Natalie, she slowly got me over it. Now I can sit through a movie or watch tv with her without wanting to flee the room. I even watch dvds on my computer. But it took years to get over it. That’s why I don’t own one.

Even so, I get antsy after one show or one movie. It takes a lot to get me to sit still through two movies or two tv shows. Natalie tries hard to get me to go upstairs and watch them, but I have to first gear up to deal with the feelings. I always enjoy it, but then I don’t wish to do it again.

I think that the time will come when I can once more watch them with pleasure.

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