Infamous wannabe writer Lawrence Dagstine was recently photographed leaving a Midtown gay bar with two drag queens. When questioned by papparazi, Mr. Dagstine stumbled on the high heels he was wearing and fell on his face, screaming, “Don’t tell my girlfriend! They’re her clothes!”

Major dust storm drops bomb on Raingods’ doorstep. According to people on the scene, there must have been an odd contagion in that dust storm. Raingods was seen trying to hold off a saber toothed feline while pleading, “Please, Odetta, you can’t eat the neighbors.”

Transhuman author, Mike Brendan, returned from vacation in the mountains in response to a desperate call for help from the Freylinghuysen Botantical Gardens. Killer Tomatoes attack following a visit from mad garden pronographer Rusty Nail. Were-Jackula swears vengeance against Rusty Nail for the murder of his tulips.

Experimental Bondage Sleepsack stolen from Chicago laboratory.  Nickolaus Pacione, notorious sleepsack thief, seen in the area.  Caution is advised in approaching both the sleepsack and Pacione.  The former is known to have eaten several guards.  The latter has a dangerous stench attack.  Haz-mat suits will be required to secure both creatures.

Author Tim Willard reportly kidnapped by Naughty Sorceress, Sabledrake.  The Naughty Sorceress is reputed to have a secret castle in the Transylvanian Mountains, guarded by scantily clad nymphs.  International incident in the offing as the 50 Foot AntWife prepares to invade Eastern Europe to get her man back.

Jane Timm Baxter takes Nickolaus Pacione to court.  Notorious wannabe transgressive author, Pacione, found hanging from a pole tangled in a tennis net.