On October 20th, I sent David Boyer the following email:
Dear Mr. Boyer,
I intend to pursue you to the ends of the earth and to the full extent of the law for a very simple reason: you hurt a lot of people with your acts of plagiarism and identity thefts.
You see, Jane Timm Baxter is my oldest daughter.
And I am a pit bull when it comes to defending both my children and my authors.
Do you know how pit bulls fight, Mr. Boyers? They clamp down on you and they start shaking you until chunks of your skin and the muscle and tissue come loose. Then they chomp down and take another bite of you.
That’s what I am going to do to you both in the legal arena and in the world of public opinion. When I am done exposing you and your crimes, Mr. Boyer, there will not be enough meat left on your bones to interest an ant or a fly.
You ought to have bothered to google me before you decided to try wagging your weenie at me in private and public. I’m very familiar with males who think that they will always win in a weenie-wagging contest with a woman.
I suggest that you keep your underwear clean, Mr. Boyer. Because when I am finished with you, I will own them. And I like the skivvies in my trophy drawer clean. It is a shame that we live in a civilized nation, Mr. Boyer. Because I would really have liked to hang your balls on a chain and wear them around my neck.
See you in court
CUTE. Real cute. I will make sure my lawyer sees this, as well as your email about wearing my balls for jewelry.
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So I replied again
Dear Mr. Boyer,
I am utterly fascinated by your stupidity. For someone who claims to be a writer, you seem to be completely ignorant of the function of an extended metaphor. I suppose taken out of context (and nitwits like yourself usually specialize in taking things out of context) it might read as a threat. However, society has become more inclined to NOT take things out of context since the Sherryl Sherrod incident, in which a highly regarded woman was fired from her state department job on the basis of a section of video tape shown out of context.
Just tell me if I need to use smaller words, so that your tiny little peanut-sized brain can understand them. And I do apologize for using words of more than four letters.
Here, maybe if I say it all louder, you’ll understand. Okay, just tell me when I am saying it loud enough for you to understand what I am saying. We’ll test it.
The size of your dick